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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29379666">Broken Halo's</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holz9364/pseuds/Holz9364'>Holz9364</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Character Death, Established Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, M/M, Minor Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks, Sirius - Freeform, Sirius Black &amp; James Potter Friendship, Werewolf Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 06:49:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,960</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29379666</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holz9364/pseuds/Holz9364</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of Wolfstar oneshots - some fluffy, most tragic because let's face it, their entire lives were a tragedy. But here they all are in one place, on one website! :)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Astronomy, my Dear Lupin</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Now here’s the thing Prongs,” Sirius was saying one evening in the Gryffindor common room, “We don’t study the real problems in Astronomy. Yes, Mars is in line with my star sign, which means I’m going to get laid this weekend. But then again, I already knew that.”</p><p> </p><p>James laughed loudly, “Alright Padfoot, if we shouldn’t be studying your ability to get laid, what <em>should </em>we be discussing?” he asked as he and Sirius did their Astronomy homework together. They had both taken it as a N.E.W.T because it was an easy pass, and they wanted to be able to focus on their main subjects so they could get into Auror training.</p><p> </p><p>“Well the question is of the physics of space obviously,” Sirius said brightly, “Right, Remus?”</p><p> </p><p>Remus raised an eyebrow at the man, “The physics of space, Pads?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes,” Sirius said, leaning back against the sofa, “Real problems that could happen to real people. Not what this star is going to do, or when this planet is going to turn. How about this for a conundrum; what happens if you put a werewolf on the moon?”</p><p> </p><p>Remus looked nervous, “Sirius-”</p><p> </p><p>“That is an excellent question Pads,” James said thoughtfully, “Very much a case of what came first, the chicken or the egg?”</p><p> </p><p>“What came first, the moon or the werewolf?” Sirius asked in a mock lecturer tone, “Did the moon’s light create the wolf? Does it control the wolf? Or does the wolf control the moon?”</p><p> </p><p>“Did the wolf create the moon to harness great power once a month?” James said with an amused grin.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you lot talking about, Potter?” A new voice asked from behind the sofa.</p><p> </p><p>“The physics of space and the conundrum of life, Lily flower,” James replied, irking the head girl.</p><p> </p><p>Lily rolled her eyes, “I am not your flower, Potter. What on <em>earth </em>are you talking about?”</p><p> </p><p>“What came first smarty pants, the chicken or the egg?” Sirius asked Lily conversationally.</p><p> </p><p>Lily frowned, “That’s a primary school question, Sirius.”</p><p> </p><p>“What’s the answer then?” James challenged.</p><p> </p><p>Lily smirked, “The answer is the chicken. The first living things on earth were fish, and then they evolved into land creatures over several years. So the chicken evolved from some living organism, and then it laid an egg.”</p><p> </p><p>“Did you just say orgasm?” James asked.</p><p> </p><p>Lily glared at James as Sirius snorted in amusement, “I said <em>organism </em>Potter. And what were you saying about werewolves and moons?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh,” Sirius said brightly, “What happens if you put a werewolf on the moon, Lil?”</p><p> </p><p>Lily rolled her eyes yet again, “Uh the werewolf would explode and die because there is no oxygen on the moon.”</p><p> </p><p>Sirius looked horrified, “We never said we would send him up without a spacesuit! Lily Evans, you absolute monster!”</p><p> </p><p>Remus snorted in amusement despite the fact the joke was at his expense. Sirius shot him a grin, and Lily looked irritated.</p><p> </p><p>“So you aren’t talking about anything of actual consequence then,” She said with a smug look, “I’m going to bed.”</p><p> </p><p>“Can I join you?” James asked, wiggling his eyebrows at her.</p><p> </p><p>Lily glared at him, “No James Henry Potter, you most certainly cannot! Goodnight!” she said as she stalked up the staircase to the girl's dorm.</p><p> </p><p>“Well she’s feeling particularly uptight tonight,” James said matter of factly.</p><p> </p><p>“She can’t stand you,” Remus pointed out in amusement.</p><p> </p><p>“She wants me,” James said confidently, “She won’t admit that to herself yet. When she eventually gives in the sex is going to be mind-blowingly-”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I don’t want to hear any more of that,” Remus said, getting to his feet and yawning, “I’m going to bed.”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure you aren’t going to the moon?” Sirius teased with a broad grin.</p><p> </p><p>Remus shot his friend an amused look, “I really hope that question is entirely theoretical Pads.”</p><p> </p><p>“Totally theoretical,” Sirius said with a sincere nod.</p><p> </p><p>“Entirely theoretically,” James agreed seriously.</p><p> </p><p>Remus shot them a wary look before disappearing upstairs. The second his cloak had vanished from view James and Sirius turned to each other with matching grins. They then both asked very similar questions in unison;</p><p> </p><p>“Where can we find a spacesuit?”</p><p> </p><p>“Where can we find a rocket ship?”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>THE END</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Grave Surprise</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Harry pays a visit to his Godfathers grave but finds someone else is already there…</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been just over five years since Sirius died.</p><p> </p><p>Harry thought about that as he slipped his invisibility cloak on and snuck down the stairs of Grimmauld place so as not to awaken Ginny. If she awoke and found him missing from the bed, he knew she would panic.</p><p> </p><p>It was late, almost midnight actually, but Harry had to go to Sirius’s grave now, or he’d be interrupted. He couldn’t go out during the day anymore, he might as well have been a vampire - even at night the press sometimes found him, so he had started using the invisibility cloak more and more often.</p><p> </p><p>The old house was silent when Harry reached the front door, mumbling a spell he stopped it from creaking and slipped outside the houses protective enchantments. Once on the doorstep, Harry apparated to Godric’s Hollow where Sirius was buried next to Lily and James.</p><p> </p><p>After the war, a Death Eater who had worked in the Department of Mysteries had been captured. His name was Rookwood, and in exchange for a lesser prison sentence, he revealed the veil's secrets.</p><p> </p><p>It was ancient magic; nobody knew how old really. It held people in stasis, Rookwood speculated that it had been created to preserve wizarding kind so that great wizards could be contained there and resuscitated when they were needed in the case of a crisis.</p><p> </p><p>With Rookwood’s help, all of those in stasis had been woken up. All of them bar Sirius who, as it turned out, had been hit by Bellatrix’s curse as he fell through – he was dead before the magic that would have preserved his life could have been activated.</p><p> </p><p>As such, they finally held a funeral for him three years ago.</p><p> </p><p>Three years had passed since the war, which Harry still found hard to believe sometimes, everything had changed now, Ron and Hermione had gotten married just the previous month, and Harry was engaged to Ginny. Everything was happening as expected, but Harry still wished Sirius was here to see it all.</p><p> </p><p>Harry walked through the darkness to the graveyard and quietly slipped through the open gate, he made his way up to the top right corner, walking on the wet grass as stealthily as possible.</p><p> </p><p>Harry frowned as he neared the trio of graves, there was a hunched figure sitting in front of the one to the left, Sirius’s grave. Harry moved closer, quieter than ever and in the dark couldn’t make out who the dark figure was, not until he spoke.</p><p> </p><p>“Happy birthday Sirius.”</p><p> </p><p>The familiar voice said as the bells in the church rang and signified midnight. Harry tried not to make a sound, why was Remus Lupin at Sirius’s grave at midnight? Harry supposed he could ask himself the same thing. Maybe Remus didn’t want to be interrupted either. Since the war, this graveyard was practically a tourist attraction, and that wasn’t fair to the people who had family members buried in it.</p><p> </p><p>Remus sighed, and as the moon came out from behind a passing cloud, Harry caught a glimpse of his face, he looked older than ever, his scars magnified and his sorrow so painfully visible.</p><p> </p><p>After the War Remus and Tonks had taken some time to be with their son and ever since the war things had changed dramatically in government. Kingsley took away all laws about werewolves and hired Remus as an Auror; Harry worked on a team with his ‘Wolf-Father’ as Sirius had christened the man, his best friend Ron and his arch-enemy turned half-acquaintance/pain in the ass Draco Malfoy. That in itself had been a surprise, Malfoy, an ex death eater, turned Auror but Harry guessed that he saw the good in everyone except Malfoy after all that had happened at school.</p><p> </p><p>“You would have turned 43 today Sirius,” Remus said to the grave, distracting Harry’s train of thoughts as he looked back at the broken man in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>“I miss you,” Remus admitted, “More than anyone knows I think, except maybe Tonks, but I don’t think she knows the reason.”</p><p> </p><p>He sighed again, running his hand through his greying hair.</p><p> </p><p>Harry carefully sat on a stone bench just in hearing distance of his ‘wolf-father’ he knew it was wrong to eavesdrop, but he wanted to know the reason for Remus being out here so late, sneaking around graveyards at night was <em>his </em>thing.</p><p> </p><p>“It wasn’t supposed to go like this Sirius,” Remus said softly, his eyes closed as if he was trying to hide the pain in his eyes from the man's grave.</p><p> </p><p>“When we were in school we had it all planned out, we always had it planned out, but then you ended up in Azkaban and I-” Remus let out a long breath he’d been holding in.</p><p> </p><p>“I fell apart, my best friends were murdered by Voldemort and Peter, who I thought was a friend dead, and everyone said you had done all of that.” Remus stopped, looking straight ahead at the grave.</p><p> </p><p>“I shouldn’t have believed it, after everything Sirius, I should have fought for you, and I didn’t.”</p><p> </p><p>Harry frowned; this was slightly strange, had Remus come here to confess all of his guilty sins? Surely he’d have done that years ago, face to face with Sirius after he’d escaped Azkaban?</p><p> </p><p>“I hate life without you here,” Remus admitted, “It feels like those 12 years all over again, only this time it's forever.”</p><p> </p><p>“I have Tonks though, and Teddy, which I know you’d be surprised about if you were alive.” Remus let out a hollow laugh.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, if you were alive they wouldn’t be here, in my life like this, because you and I would still be together.”</p><p> </p><p>Harry was impressed with himself for keeping his mouth shut and not letting a surprised gasp give him away. He settled for staring at Remus with wide eyes. His ex-professor and his Godfather had been together? How could he have missed something like that?</p><p> </p><p>“Sometimes I don’t think it’s fair, getting you back after all those years only to lose you again two years later.” Remus said slowly, “But then I think back and remember I had you for five years before the whole mess, five happy years.”</p><p> </p><p>Had they gotten together in 6<sup>th</sup> year? Five years! How had Harry not known! He’d always thought Sirius had been the womaniser in school from all the stories he’d heard, he had never imagined him to be gay and certainly not to be dating Remus, but when he thought about it, it made sense.</p><p> </p><p>That hug they had shared when they saw each other again, the way their faces had lit up, how they had spent every day joint at the hip afterwards, it was as if Remus was afraid if he let Sirius out of his sight he would lose him again, in the end, he did.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you remember when James found out?” Remus asked, a soft smile playing on his lips.</p><p> </p><p>“He walked into the room of requirement that day,” Remus chuckled, “He gaped then screamed that he couldn’t believe it before running off to tell Lily.”</p><p> </p><p>The smile was still on his lips, but there was a tormented look in his eyes, “Lily already knew, of course, she’d seen the stolen glances across the common room, and us sneaking off all the time and figured it out. The way she scolded James for his reaction and made him apologise was hilarious to watch, though.”</p><p> </p><p>Harry smiled at the story; he liked stories about his parents; it let him know what they were like a bit more. He hated that he hardly knew them.</p><p> </p><p>Remus continued to talk as if Sirius was there and they were having a conversation, “I remember our first flat too, we were both so poor that we could hardly afford anything and we ended up staying in that hole, but Lily and James helped us decorate it, and it felt like home.”</p><p> </p><p>Remus was still smiling though Harry was sure he could see tears running down his face too, “The wedding was beautiful, and we danced, then there were all those Sunday dinners at the Potter household, Peter was never around, so it was just the four of us, and we’d all sit and talk and eat.”</p><p> </p><p>The tears were dripping from Remus’s face and landing on the cool, wet ground.</p><p> </p><p>“I remember the day we found out about Harry,” Remus said.</p><p> </p><p>“James was so excited he practically screamed it, and Lily just laughed from the sidelines, and I remember how James said he loved us both and wanted both of us to be Harry’s Godparents, but officially we couldn’t be because of my affliction.”</p><p> </p><p>The smile had slipped momentarily from his face, “So officially you became Harry’s Godfather, and you christened me as his ‘Wolf-Father’ much to James’s amusement.”</p><p> </p><p>Harry was smiling as Remus reminisced, but he felt sorrowful too, Remus had lost so much, Harry didn’t know how he had kept it all together, if Harry had lost Ron, Hermione and Ginny all in the space of 24 hours he knew he’d have gone insane.</p><p> </p><p>“I remember the night Harry was born.” Remus continued, “James had been captured by Rosier and was being tortured, Lily didn’t know, and we went round to tell her, but before we could she went into labour. We both knew James wasn’t going to get to St. Mungo’s on time, so I held her hand, and you sat behind her when she was giving birth.”</p><p> </p><p>Harry hadn’t known that, and he suddenly wondered why neither of his Godparents had told him, but the thought was gone as he listened to the rest of Remus’s story.</p><p> </p><p>“After that long labour she gave birth to a little boy and James ran into the room covered in cuts and bruises, and Lily freaked out, but he was just so focused on that little kid the Healer was holding that he didn’t notice and James looked right down at him and said to us, ‘<em>He’s a Harry right? Look at him, he’s a Harry,’</em> and we both agreed and so was christened Harry James Potter.”</p><p> </p><p>Again Harry hadn’t known any of this; he was learning a lot tonight.</p><p> </p><p>Remus was still smiling, but the tears were falling faster than ever. His voice was breaking more and more as he went on, “Lily and James loved and protected him so much that they never left him, but then they went out on their anniversary, the three years of their marriage I think, and they left us with Harry in Godric’s Hollow. Harry was only nine months old, and he’d just started walking.”</p><p> </p><p>Remus chuckled to himself, “You decided to let him walk around for a bit, and when I came back with his bottle I realised you’d lost him. We both freaked out remember? And we ran around the house looking for him everywhere until we heard giggling.”</p><p> </p><p>Harry was smiling; he didn’t realise how significant a role in their lives he’d played, “And you smirked at me and opened up the cupboard to find he’d somehow used under-age magic and gotten to the top of the airing cupboard, you lifted him down and said to him that he was definitely the son of James Potter, but we agreed never to tell Lily, I remember James was so proud.”</p><p> </p><p>Remus sighed, “That was when things were good Sirius, four months later, Lily and James were dead, you were in prison, and Harry was an orphan.”</p><p> </p><p>Remus stood, using a quick spell to dry his clothes, “I’m the last one left Sirius, and I don’t want to be alone anymore.” He said, revealing just how broken the death of the last living Marauder had made him.</p><p> </p><p>“I miss you every day, and Harry does too. I love Tonks and my son, but I still love you too Sirius, I think a part of me died with you.” Remus admitted, and Harry had to admit tears pricked at his eyes as he watched the truly heartbreaking scene before him.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll see you next year when you’re 43 Sirius - goodbye,” Remus said, and he turned and walked away toward the gate before disapparating with a crack.</p><p> </p><p>Harry sighed; he didn’t much feel like going to the grave now.</p><p> </p><p>After all that Remus had said, anything Harry said wouldn’t matter but all the same he walked over to the spot previously vacated by Remus and said, “I miss you too Sirius, not nearly as much as Remus, but I do, and I miss you too, Mum, Dad.”</p><p> </p><p>Harry sighed, standing in the middle of the three graves, in front of his Father’s, “I wish you and Mum could meet my fiancé Ginny, she’s perfect, and I wish all three of you could be there when I marry her,” he said, standing up.</p><p> </p><p>“I guess that’s all, happy birthday, Sirius.”</p><p> </p><p>Harry turned and walked in the same direction as Remus; he too disapparated when he got to the gate and appeared in front of Grimmauld place. Harry composed himself and stepped into the house; he closed and locked the door with his wand and snuck back upstairs.</p><p> </p><p>When he got to the door, he took his cloak off and put it on the back of the chair when he walked in, where it always sat.</p><p> </p><p>Harry climbed into bed, and the movement woke Ginny, she smiled tiredly at him, “Where have you been?” She asked.</p><p> </p><p>“I was just getting a glass of water.” Harry lied, he didn’t want to share the conversation he’d overheard with her, he didn’t want to share it with anyone, he wanted to keep it all to himself.</p><p> </p><p>Ginny bought the lie easily and snuggled closer to him, “Okay.” She said with a yawn, and she fell back to sleep almost immediately.</p><p> </p><p>Harry, however, lay up for a few hours longer, just thinking. The conversation made him rethink everything, all of Remus’s actions, but more than anything else, it made him sad for Remus.</p><p> </p><p>He had lost the person he loved more than anything else. Harry knew from experience if he lost Ginny he’d be lost, he felt something new for Remus, he felt proud of him for moving on and getting married and having a baby because doing that must have been extremely hard.</p><p> </p><p>Harry smiled, hugging Ginny as he shut his eyes - if he’d learned anything tonight it was that he was never going to let her go.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>The End.</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Indian Summers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Every time there is an indian summer, Sirius &amp; Remus think of each other.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a hot July night in the middle of the Indian summer of 1980 as two men lay in bed together, sweaty and panting as the bed covers and pillows lay scattered on the floor around the bedroom. The window was open, and the rain was coming in sideways into the little bedroom in the tiny flat in the middle of London. The sound of traffic and the Thames flowed by loudly outside in the humid night, and the softest of breezes blew into the room, making the ragged curtains sway gently.</p><p> </p><p>“We should leave,” The mousy haired man said, catching his breath and lying back on the creaky bed.</p><p> </p><p>“I know,” The black-haired man said, grinning at his partner, “But that doesn’t mean I want to.’</p><p> </p><p>“We promised we’d go back to the hospital,” The mousy haired man sighed, taking in a deep breath of the hot, humid air.</p><p> </p><p>The dark-haired man shook his head, “And we will, just not yet,” he said, moving closer to the other man in the small bed and leaning his head against his chest.</p><p> </p><p>They were silent for a moment, just listening to the traffic outside. There was a whooshing noise, and the mousy haired man jumped.</p><p> </p><p>The other man sighed softly, “It’s only a bird, Remus.”</p><p> </p><p>Remus, the mousy haired man, sighed in relief, “I’m sorry, I’m on edge.”</p><p> </p><p>“I understand,” The other man said, and again there was a moment of silence until Remus spoke again.</p><p> </p><p>“Sirius, don’t you ever wonder if we’ll make it through this war?”</p><p> </p><p>The dark-haired man, Sirius, scoffed, he didn’t look up at Remus, “Of course we’ll survive it Remus, all of us, and we’ll all raise Harry together, once this is all over everything will be the way it was meant to be.”</p><p> </p><p>“But what if it isn’t Sirius?” Remus asked, sounding agitated, “If something horrible happens do you believe its just darkness? That there is nothing beyond it?”</p><p> </p><p>Sirius sighed and finally adjusted his position in the bed to look up at Remus, “I don’t think there is anything supernatural after death Remus and I don’t think about it, I think about living, you need to stop worrying.”</p><p> </p><p>Remus nodded, fooling himself that Sirius was right and that they would get through this war together, all of them, he forced a smile to his face thinking of the little boy they’d seen in the hospital hours before, “Come on, let’s go see the golden family.’</p><p> </p><p>Sirius grinned, jumping up and searching the floor for his boxers, “Yeah,” he agreed, “Let’s see our Godson.”</p><p> </p><p>Remus smiled back and searched the floor for his clothes. Just like that, the conversation about life after death was over and it was not discussed again, at least not for many many years.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The night was light and hot, the air was humid, and once more, it was a July night in the middle of an Indian summer. They were inside the same small bedroom, with the same ragged curtains and the creaky bed and the window that was open by a crack, letting the sound of the traffic and the Thames float into the room.</p><p> </p><p>The wind made the curtains sway softly, and once more, bedding and clothes were scattered around the room.</p><p> </p><p>Both men were both breathing heavily; it took longer to catch their breath this time; they were both older, sicker, more tired.</p><p> </p><p>They lay together, as close as they could, their chests heaving as they caught their breath. Neither of them spoke as the traffic grew quieter and the night deepened. Somewhere in the distance, an owl hooted, but there was still silence within the small bedroom.</p><p> </p><p>“You shouldn’t have come,” Remus said with a deep sigh, like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you not want me to?” Sirius asked, his long hair flowing over Remus’s chest, his tattoos faded, his ribs more visible and his face more gaunt since the last time they had shared this bed.</p><p> </p><p>There was silence and yet another sigh, Remus didn’t speak for a good few minutes, and Sirius dreaded the answer. Still, eventually, it came, “I wanted you to come,” he admitted, his voice breaking.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve wanted it since you escaped two years ago, but I was too scared to come looking for you…scared you weren’t the man I knew, I was a coward, and I’m ashamed of that.”</p><p> </p><p>Sirius looked up at Remus in surprise, “Remus...are you crying?”</p><p> </p><p>Remus shook his head and tried to cover his tears up, but Sirius had already seen them, “I have changed, and I’m not the man you knew, but my feelings haven’t changed, the thought of seeing you again was one of the things that got me through Azkaban.”</p><p> </p><p>“I really am sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>“So am I.”</p><p> </p><p>Outside of the window, there was the sound of rustling as the wind picked up in the bushes outside.</p><p> </p><p>Inside the room Sirius jumped violently at the sound and instinctively Remus’s hand went to his back, he stroked it gently, “Don’t worry Sirius,” he said soothingly, “It’s only the wind.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Sirius said, sounding slightly embarrassed, “Azkaban has made me paranoid.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know,” Remus said gently, not moving his hand from Sirius’s back, there was another peaceful silence.</p><p> </p><p>“We really ought to get back to Grimmauld Place,” Remus said, sighing just at the thought of going back and having to share Sirius with the others again, more to the point with Harry who wanted to spend as much time with his Godfather as he could.</p><p> </p><p>“I know,” Sirius agreed, “But not right now. I want you to myself for as long as I can have you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Dumbledore will realise you’re gone and burst in here in a rage,” Remus murmured.</p><p> </p><p>Sirius chuckled lightly under his breath at the image, “Let him,” he said, his head yet again on Remus’s chest.</p><p> </p><p>Remus only smiled, closing his eyes, breathing in and taking in the moment, “Sirius, did Azkaban change your perspective on life after death?”</p><p> </p><p>Sirius sighed, thoughtfully and bitterly at the same time, he didn’t look up to Remus as he replied, “I’d like to believe that there is something, somewhere I can see Lily and James, but after Azkaban, I find it hard to believe in a paradise land after death.”</p><p> </p><p>Remus nodded, forgetting that Sirius couldn’t see it, “I believe in something Sirius, I think there must be more to death, <em>something</em> after it.”</p><p> </p><p>“I hope so,” Sirius sighed sleepily, “Now sleep, Remus; we have a busy day ahead of us.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know,” Remus said, just as tired, “Goodnight Sirius.”</p><p> </p><p>“Goodnight Remus.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It was the hot, humid Indian summer of 1995 and there were only two figures in the deserted park as the sunset over Little Whinging. One figure was watching the other, unbeknownst to the figure swinging slowly back and forth. The invisible figure mumbled a charm and revealed himself to the boy on the swing who jumped and instinctively pulled his wand out and aimed it at the figure coming out of the shadows.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello Harry,” Remus said casually, sitting down on the swing next to him.</p><p> </p><p>Harry’s heart was racing from the surprise appearance, but he sat back down and put his wand back in his pocket, “What are you doing here?” he asked, too annoyed and upset to be pleased that he had wizarding company for the first time in the summer.</p><p> </p><p>“I wanted to talk to you, about Sirius, you haven’t been coping well,” Remus said.</p><p> </p><p>If Harry was going to go straight to the point, then he would too. After all, he wasn’t exactly doing great without Sirius either.</p><p> </p><p>Harry shrugged, “I’ve been coping fine,” he said moodily, “I get on trains, I see the world, it makes me forget everything.”</p><p> </p><p>“That isn’t coping Harry,” Remus said gently, “I know you’re having a hard time accepting that he’s gone, and trust me, I understand more than you know.”</p><p> </p><p>Harry sighed, kicking the ground and looking down, not meeting Remus’s eye, “How do you cope with it?” he asked eventually, although he kept his gaze fixed firmly on the ground.</p><p> </p><p>Remus had been expecting the question, but that didn’t make it any easier to answer. He sighed softly, ‘I lost him once before,’ he said, his voice breaking although he’d tried hard to keep it steady for Harry’s sake.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve been through it all before. I still hate the fact that I’ll never see him again in this lifetime, but I believe in something after death, and I know I’ll see him again one day.’</p><p> </p><p>Harry’s sigh was deep like it came from a man who’d had a very long, terrible life, not a young boy and it broke Remus’s heart, but he didn’t say anymore as he let Harry mull over his words.</p><p> </p><p>The boy spoke again, looking into Remus’s eye for the first time, “You really believe that there is something after death? That you’ll see my parents and Sirius again?’</p><p> </p><p>Remus nodded, a rueful smile on his face, “Sirius and I had this conversation twice, and you are much more similar than either of you ever knew.”</p><p> </p><p>He paused for a moment as a pang of pain shot through him, “I believe I’ll see them all again one day Harry, and that is why I am not afraid of death, I welcome it.”</p><p> </p><p>Harry snorted and mumbled bitterly, “You sound like Dumbledore.”</p><p> </p><p>Remus smiled, a real smile this time, “Yes,” he agreed, “Maybe I do.”</p><p> </p><p>They sat in silence as the sky got darker; Harry kicked the ground thoughtfully as Remus swung back and forward gently on the swing.</p><p> </p><p>After what seemed like a long time Harry spoke again, “You and Sirius were always more than friends,” it was a statement, not a question.</p><p> </p><p>“I saw it in the photos, even at my parents' wedding there was something unusual about you both.”</p><p> </p><p>Harry’s realisation threw Remus; he didn’t think the boy would ever have figured out, but he always had been very observant, and Remus shuddered when he thought of how many nights Harry must have spent staring at the photos in that album.</p><p> </p><p>He loved Harry, it wasn’t official, but to Remus, he was his Godson, and he couldn’t lie to him so with a thoughtful sigh he told him the truth, “Yes, Sirius and I were always more than friends, from our final years at Hogwarts until he died, I never loved anyone else.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Ugh! Turn it off!”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Hey, it’s just getting to the good part!”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>A group of people were sitting at a long white marble table in a large room with white walls and windows with golden frames. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>The view out of the windows was of a bright orange sky, it was an Indian summer, and the humid heat was rising above the clouds to the invisible castle in the sky. This was the land that Remus had talked about, the paradise where the souls of good witches and wizards ascended too.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>It was like Hogwarts; only everything was luxurious, here everyone was the same age, not the way they were when they died. They were at their perfect age in life, in-between 25 and 30, by that point, a person was past their awkward years, but they hadn’t started to get old yet either.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>It was Friday night, and in this particular room, there was an ongoing poker game. In addition to the windows lighting the room with striking colours, there was another large window in-between two of the smaller ones, but this was no ordinary window. It worked like a television, in its strange way; there were different ‘channels’.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>When a person died they didn’t just get to go straight into luxury; they had an induction period, a settling in period and in that time they got to pick five people whose lives they wanted to keep up to date with, who they couldn’t just forget about. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Those five people could be observed through devices like these, and of course, Sirius’s number one priority had been Remus, the man he’d loved his entire life, closely followed by his Godson. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>They had argued over what channel to watch at this particular poker night, and Sirius had lost because James and Lily had wanted to see how Harry was doing. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Still, to his surprise and delight, Remus’s life happened to coincide with Harry’s at that moment in time.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Seated at the head of the table was Sirius, on one side Lily and James sat together, mesmerised by the image of their son on the screen, Sirius was just as enthralled, Remus didn’t talk about him often so he enjoyed it when he did. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Sitting opposite of Sirius was his little brother Regulus, who he had reconciled with when he’d met him up here in ‘heaven’. At the other side of the table across from Lily and James sat Marlene McKinnon and her brother, Matthew.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“What if he starts spilling juicy secrets about your sex life to my son?” James exclaimed in disgust.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>He got hit over the head by Lily, “Oh hush James! It’s exciting!”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>They all turned back to the ‘television’ as Harry said he’d wondered about it for a while and Remus started to tell the tale that the others knew so well. All Remus managed to say was, “It started in 7<sup>th</sup> year when-”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>At that point, James took over, “I was alone in the common room one evening, and Sirius came in-”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I’d just gone through a transformation, and I was in pain-” Regulus added, smirking at his brother who was glaring at the room.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Marlene grinned and said, “Sirius sat with me all night to make sure I was okay and then-”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Then I told him how I felt and how I’d felt that way for so long-” Matthew chirped in, chuckling under his breath as Sirius got more and more annoyed.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Finally, it fell to Lily who seemed to take pride in taking the mick out of Sirius although she disapproved of it when the others took the mick out of Remus, “And then Sirius said he felt the same, but he’d been scared to tell me how he felt and then-”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Sirius glared around at them all, “Then,” he said finally, wanting to finish the story himself, “Then I kissed him, and we were happy for the rest of our lives.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Until you got sent to Azkaban you mean,” Matthew said, causing Regulus to snigger, “Then died.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“You guys don’t understand romance,” Sirius grumbled, looking down at his hand and feeling his mood decrease even more, “I fold,” he said, throwing his hand into the middle of the table.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Me too,” Regulus said dully chucking his cards away.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“And me,” Matthew said as Marlene nodded, “I fold too,” the siblings both threw their cards into the middle of the table, and the only two people left in the game were Lily and James.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Lily narrowed her eyes, “Scared of a little action, James?” she teased.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Her husband narrowed his eyes at the redhead, “Hah, you are talking to the King of Gryffindor Lils,” he said, “All in.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Sirius whistled and watched the couple closely as James finally decided his wife wasn’t bluffing and said, “Fold.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Hah!” Lily said, collecting her winnings and winking at her husband.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>James rolled his eyes, “I’ll win next Friday,” he promised her.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Sirius scoffed, “Not if I beat you to it,” he said and with the game over everyone filed out of the room. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>When Sirius got back to his bedroom, he lay in bed under his white silk sheets and watched Remus through the window opposite his bed as the man lay awake in the same bed they’d shared on so many occasions. Both of them were thinking about the same thing, the last night they’d spent together in an Indian summer like this one.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><hr/><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>The night was darker and colder than usual in parallel Hogwarts. The mood wasn’t quite as cheerful as usual amongst the group in the Friday night poker game because they had just discovered that the great Albus Dumbledore had joined them and was in the induction/settling in process. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>They usually argued over the channel, but tonight no one was in the mood for arguing so for once Sirius had won, they were watching the Remus channel.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>The poker night group hadn’t changed much. Amelia Bones had joined them, but other than that their group was the same. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Sirius still got teased just as much for always wanting to watch Remus even though most of the time the werewolf moped around his little London flat. The ‘television’ wasn’t being watched much by the others, only Sirius was mesmerised by it, and then something caught his attention, and he shouted at the others to watch.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Sirius’s little cousin, Tonks as he had learned she liked to go by, had been chatting up Remus for a while now, but Sirius had thought it was harmless and that Remus wouldn’t go for it, after all, he’d only ever loved Sirius. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>At this point Bill Weasley had been injured by Greyback, Sirius had been vaguely aware that his fiancé didn’t mind and loved him regardless, but it was something Tonk’s said that caught Sirius’s attention.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“You see! She still wants to marry him even though he’s been bitten! She doesn’t care!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sirius grumbled, “I’d have married Remus if it had been legal.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>James snorted, and Lily smiled at her friend, she patted his shoulder, “That’s sweet Sirius.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“It’s different! Bill will not be a full werewolf, the case is completely-”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“But I don’t care either! I don’t care! I’ve told you a million times...”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Whoa, she is way too close for comfort,” Sirius complained, as Tonk’s grabbed Remus’s robes, he glared at his cousin through the medium of the screen.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Oh calm down Sirius, I’m sure it isn’t serious,” Lily said.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>James snickered, “Yeah, she isn’t Sirius; she’s Tonk’s, I think that’s the problem, honey.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Lily glared at James, and he shut up instantly, diverting his attention to the scene on the screen.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“And I’ve told you a million times, that I am too old for you, too poor...too dangerous...”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I think Sirius liked the dangerous aspect,” Marlene joked, winking at Sirius who was too annoyed and jealous to pay any attention to the teasing he was getting from the others.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I can’t believe this,” Sirius muttered in annoyance as his cousin and HIS boyfriend had this semi-romantic exchange.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I’ve said all along you’re taking a ridiculous line on this, Remus.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I am not being ridiculous! Tonk’s deserves somebody young and whole.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Yes,” Sirius agreed, “She does, and you deserve somebody old and broken, like me!”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Sirius, if Remus has a chance to be happy again don’t you want that for him?” Lily asked gently, trying to help out her friend.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“No!” Sirius exclaimed, pouting, “I don’t want him to love anybody else; I've never loved anyone else.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>James rolled his eyes and shared an exasperated look with Lily, “I doubt he’ll love anyone else as much as he loved you.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“But she wants you! And after all Remus, young and whole men do not necessarily remain so.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“This is...not the time to discuss it. Dumbledore is dead...”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Dumbledore would have been happier than anybody to think that there was a little more love in the world.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sirius couldn’t believe what he was seeing, but that seemed to be the end of the ‘moment’ between Remus and Tonks.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Sirius threw his cards into the middle, “I fold, and I’m out,” he said, standing and leaving the room, making his way through the whitewashed corridors as people gushed about Dumbledore and how they couldn’t believe he was dead. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Sirius didn’t listen to any of it as he made his way blindly to his room, he didn’t realise hot tears were running down his face until he got into his quarters and looked in a pearly mirror. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He threw himself onto his bed which wasn’t anywhere near as comfy as the old broken thing he’d shared with Remus. He groaned, angry and frustrated, “Remus,” he said simply, and the ‘window’ on the wall lit up with Remus.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>He was sitting in a Muggle pub drinking way too much alcohol.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Sirius sighed, “Remus, it’s the full moon soon, you know you shouldn’t drink,” he said softly to the man on the screen, knowing that he couldn’t hear him. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Sirius stared at the screen with a sick kind of mesmerisation as Remus left the pub, staggered home and fell onto the bed that Sirius missed so much, he broke down in tears, and Sirius followed suit, both men fell asleep with heavy hearts that night.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>The following weeks and months dragged by and Sirius isolated himself from the others, Dumbledore had joined them and had replaced Sirius at the poker nights until he decided to come back, but he wasn’t sure when that would be. He spent most of his time moping around his bedroom being grumpy, hating the world and missing Remus while being angry with him.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Sirius pretty much had his Remus channel on constantly, and his worst fears were confirmed one night when Remus (who was moping around his flat, as usual) got an unexpected visitor on his doorstep.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Tonks!”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I’ve had enough of this!” Tonks exclaimed, “I like you, Remus, and I know you like me, and I can’t take this anymore!” </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>She threw herself at him and kissed him, and Sirius could see that Remus was surprised - he hoped he’d pull away, but he didn’t. Instead, he kissed Tonk’s back fervently, with a passion that Sirius had only ever seen in Remus when he was kissing him.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The kiss seemed to last forever, but when it broke, Remus cleared his throat, “Sit down,” he suggested, and he sat down with Tonks on his old moth-eaten couch.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“You do have feelings for me,’ Tonks said, smiling brightly at Remus.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>He nodded, smiling very softly, “Yes, I do.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“So why did you deny them for so long? And don’t use the werewolf excuse, I know that’s not it,” Tonk’s said, trying to read Remus’s face, trying to understand him. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Remus sighed profoundly and rose from the couch. Tonk’s was disappointed, she thought he was walking away from her again, but he only made his way to the tiny kitchen and grabbed a glass of firewhiskey.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Do you want one?” He asked.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Tonks nodded, and Remus poured two glasses, he made his way back to the couch and handed her a glass, draining his in one go, he paused as if trying to think of how to word the sentence.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Sirius,” He said finally.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sirius stopped moping for a moment, his ears practically perking up at his name. Sometimes his dog-like instincts surprised him.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>He moved closer to the window; sometimes he just wished he could reach through it and touch Remus, being this close but this far was killing him, metaphorically.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Sirius?” Tonks asked, frowning, asking Remus to elaborate without using any words.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Remus nodded, unsure how Tonks would react to his tale, “I was in love with Sirius, we were...together...”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p><em>“Oh...” Tonk’s said quietly, her brow furrowing as she thought about this further, “Oh</em>!”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Remus blushed slightly, and for a moment there was a silence. The windows were all open, and a light breeze came in through them, causing the curtains to sway in a way that Remus associated with Sirius and long Indian summer nights. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I guess it makes sense,” Tonks said, and Remus was surprised to see that she was smiling, “The signs were all there,” her smile was rueful, “But you do have feelings for me...you aren’t...”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>She trailed off, and Remus managed a small smile, “Gay? No, as James used to say, Sirius-sexual.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Tonk’s chuckled under her breath and placed her hand on his arm, “I’m sorry, I understand why it was so hard for you now, you were still getting over Sirius.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I still am, getting over him, that is,” Remus admitted, taking Tonks hand, “Which is why I can never offer you my whole heart, only what is left of it.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The metamorphmagus smiled, “I can handle that.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>She leant over and kissing him once more, again Remus didn’t pull away, he deepened the kiss and stood from the couch, pulling Tonks with him.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The pink-haired witch took his hand and led him into the bedroom.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sirius could feel his heartbreaking as he watched the scene unfold, it was blurry because he watched it through the tears in his eyes. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Tonk’s and Remus were in the bedroom of Remus’s flat, the window was open, the ragged curtains were swaying in the light wind, Tonk’s pushed the bedding off of the bed, slowly the clothing began to come off, and slowly Sirius felt his heart being torn into pieces. The air outside was hot and humid; they were in the middle of yet another Indian summer.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>He had to close his eyes at certain parts, there were things he just couldn’t watch, but he barely saw the worst part because his vision was so cloudy. Tonk’s was on top of Remus on the bed that Remus had only ever before shared with Sirius, she was making noises, but he was quiet, almost silent and when Sirius cleared his eyes enough to see what was going on he could make out the tears rolling down  Remus’s cheeks. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Again Sirius had to look away, and when he looked back, Tonks was pulling the covers around herself and smiling as she made her way to the bathroom. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Remus curled into a ball on the bed and whispered so quietly that Sirius almost missed it.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m sorry, Sirius. I’m so sorry.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><hr/><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Sirius had managed to pull himself out of his rut, but only when Lily, James, Regulus, Marlene, Matthew and Amelia combined their efforts to literally drag him from his room to poker night where he could learn to socialise again. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>They were trying to make sure Sirius didn’t see any Remus or any Tonks, so they watched ‘channel McGonagall’ because Dumbledore was worried about her and wanted to see how she was doing. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>However, things didn’t go quite to plan as McGonagall was going to an evening wedding, the wedding of none other than Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>When the others realised what was happening, they suggested changing the channel, but Sirius shook his head violently, “No, leave it on,” he demanded.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Sirius,” Lily sighed, “It probably isn’t a good idea, you don’t want to see-”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“See the man I love marry someone else?” Sirius asked bitterly, “Yeah, I don’t want to see it, but now that I have I can’t stop watching it.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Dumbledore sighed a deep, thoughtful sigh, “Let him watch, Sirius is right, he needs to see this.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>The others may have disagreed but dead or alive no one argued with Dumbledore, so they watched the scene silently.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>The wedding was small; the church was tiny, and very few people were in the room. Tonk’s parents were there, of course, Andromeda and Ted. For Remus, there were order members and close friends, Moody, Hagrid, Shacklebolt and McGonagall. There was no one else in the small church, and the mood wasn’t right, it wasn’t as happy as the mood at a wedding should be, but then again they were in the middle of a war. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The ceremony was simple. The vows were not personal, they were standard, Remus and Tonks both said ‘I do’ and the rings were exchanged, there was a chaste kiss and scattered cheering as Remus and Tonks left the little church together. There wasn’t any after-party or a honeymoon. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Poker night ended on a dull note and by the time Sirius got back to his bedroom and tuned back into Remus’s life the couple was lying in bed as a married couple - Tonks was asleep. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Remus was absentmindedly stroking her back, he sighed deeply, looking up to the roof, for a moment it was as if he was seeing Sirius, “I hope you’re right Sirius,” he whispered, “I hope there is something up there.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>He sighed deeply, looking at Tonks sleeping face; he kissed her on the cheek and closed his eyes, “Goodnight Dora. Goodnight Sirius.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Sirius sighed deeply, “Goodnight Remus,” he said softly, tears rolling down his face as he shut his eyes and drifted into an uneasy sleep.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><hr/><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>There was a Friday night poker night that Sirius Black would never forget because it was the worst night of his life or death as it were. They were on channel Remus even though Lily hated it because she insisted that it made Sirius snarky and bad-tempered.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Remus was lying in bed with Tonks; they were decent this time; they weren’t talking; they were just lying there when the conversation started.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Remus, I have to tell you something important,” Tonks said, she looked nervous.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Remus frowned and looked at her, “What is it?” he asked, immediately worried.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>There was no delay as Tonks blurted out, “I’m pregnant!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Both down in the real world and up high, there was a long delay, a pregnant pause if you will and then...</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Pregnant? With a baby?” Remus asked Tonks.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“PREGNANT?” Sirius roared.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Lily was biting her lip anxiously as she moved over to Sirius, putting her arm around him and holding him tightly, “Sirius, I’m sorry.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Pregnant,” Sirius repeated, shaking his head, “But HOW could that happen?”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Well Sirius,” James said, “When a man loves a woman very much he puts his-”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“James!” Lily hissed with a glare, “Not now!”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Even James understood the situation's seriousness and stopped speaking. Everyone else in the room fell silent; even Dumbledore didn’t seem to know what to say.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Yes with a baby!” Tonks exclaimed.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Remus shook his head, standing up from the bed and shaking his head again vigorously, “I can’t be a Father, I can’t pass my curse onto a child, I can’t...no...I can’t do this, I can’t.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Remus! Remus! Calm down!” Tonks called, slapping Remus to stop him from freaking out.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Ow!” Remus said, coming back to the real world, he swallowed and looked at his wife, “I know you’re scared Remus and I am too, but this is going to be okay, you’re going to be an excellent Father, we’re going to be good parents, okay?”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Okay,” Remus said, sitting back down on the bed with a sigh, it was heavy, but Tonks took it for a relieved sigh, and she fell asleep very quickly that night.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sirius watched, his heart breaking even more than he thought possible as he watched Remus lying in bed crying himself to sleep. In contrast, his pregnant wife slept in the bed next to him in the tiny, dingy flat that Tonks hated so much but Sirius loved with everything he had.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Sirius watched over the weeks as Tonks convinced Remus to sell the flat and move into a new bungalow in a nicer area, for the baby. Remus agreed, but it was reluctant.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>After Tonks had moved everything out, Remus returned one last time to look around. It was ironic really that he returned on a day very similar to the day he’d moved in, Sirius remembered that day, he’d helped, they had practically lived together. However, Sirius did have his own place; he preferred the tiny flat Remus kept, he had never understood why. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>It was the middle of September, and it was cold outside, the inside was dingy and damp, and it didn't look very pleasant but when he’d moved in it had been his new start. The hot Indian summers with Sirius in his bed and his arms had made up for the horribly cold winters, or so he’d always said. Sirius and Remus both cried as Remus left the flat for the last time, it felt like the moment when the man finally gave up on Sirius and truly moved on, and Sirius couldn’t bear to see it.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sirius tried to get over Remus, but getting over the only person you’d loved, especially when you’d loved that person for so long, wasn’t easy to do. He continued going to poker nights, and the group expanded yet again. In addition to Sirius, Lily, James, Regulus, Marlene, Matthew, Amelia and Albus their newest member was Moody, who always won because his magical eye could see through the cards.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>It was hard to enjoy these nights like they had before with the war raging on and new arrivals being so large in number. On this particular Friday James and Lily had wanted to watch Harry and check how he was doing, Sirius hadn’t watched Remus for a while now, not since the man left the flat that had housed so many good memories for them both. However, unluckily for Sirius, on this occasion, Remus’s life and Harry’s coincided once again.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Someone was coming into Grimmauld Place where Harry was hiding, everyone was watching in horror, the jinx broke, and Sirius recognised Remus’s voice. Remus raised his arms and identified himself, “Hold your fire; it’s me, Remus!”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Oh Thank goodness,” Hermione said in relief as she and Ron lowered their wands.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Show yourself!” Harry called.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Good boy Harry,” Lily said softly, and James nodded, “He’s right to be cautious.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Sirius was watching in horror, shock and something else the others couldn’t interpret.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Remus and the trio exchanged a few words; Sirius didn’t take much of it in. Remus looked even worse than the last time he’d seen him, and he felt his heart leap horribly.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>The group made their way into the kitchen and drank butterbeer together; they talked about the wedding and how the trio had ended up at Grimmauld Place. Remus informed the trio that there were no deaths but that Tonks family had been tortured with the Cruciatus Curse. They also talked about how Voldemort had overthrown the ministry.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“This is horrible,” Marlene said sadly, the others echoed this sadness with nods.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“It’s exactly like last time,” Lily said as she leant into James’ embrace.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Sirius was so saddened and worried for Harry that he stopped moping about his situation with Remus for a moment. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>They also learned that everyone had to go to Hogwarts now and students had to have ‘blood status’ by the ministry to be able to attend the school. They all echoed that it was disgusting and that it was even worse than the first time.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Remus then asked Harry about the mission he’d gotten from Dumbledore, everyone up high understood, they regularly watched ‘Harry channel’ thanks to Lily and James. Remus even said he would go with them and help them, which shocked those up high.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“What about Tonks?” Hermione asked. It was the question the dead Marauders were all thinking, even Sirius had to admit that it had crossed his mind.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“What about her?” Remus asked; his voice almost cold and dead.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Well, you’re married. How does she feel about you going away with us” Hermione asked, yet again, Lily and Marlene at least echoed these thoughts.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Tonks will be perfectly safe, she’ll be at her parents’ house,” Remus said.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Again Sirius got the impression that Remus had stopped loving Tonks if he ever had at all, he seemed to have grown so cold and numb, and Sirius wondered why. Did he sense that Sirius was no longer looking out for him? Watching over him?</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Remus, is everything alright...you know between you and-”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Everything is fine, thank you,” Remus said on a note of finality, “Tonks is going to have a baby.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Oh, how wonderful!” Hermione chirped.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Excellent!” Ron agreed with a smile.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Congratulations,” Harry said, apparently the only one of the three to see the coldness and the facade that Remus had put up.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Can’t the others see that Remus isn’t happy?” Marlene asked sadly, and Matthew shook his head.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Sirius was silent.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Remus smiled, but it was unbelievably fake, “So...do you accept my offer? Will 3 become 4? I cannot believe that Dumbledore would have disapproved, he appointed me your Defence against the Dark Arts teacher, after all. And I must tell you that I believe we are facing magic many of us have never encountered or imagined.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Harry was shocked and surprised by Remus’s behaviour, “Just-just to be clear, you want to leave Tonks at her parents’ house and come away with us?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I can’t believe this!” Lily exclaimed hotly, “Remus isn’t this man; he wouldn’t do this, why is he doing this?”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Because he doesn’t love her,” James said simply, causing Lily to gasp but Sirius frowned, catching James eye and speaking up, “What do you mean?”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Sirius, it has been clear since the wedding, before then even that Tonks is second best to Remus, second best to you, he can’t accept the fact she’s pregnant, he realises he’s made a mistake.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Still,” Lily said, sad at the scene, “I’ve never seen him so cold.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I have,” Sirius and James said at the same time, saying no more and looking back to the ‘window.’</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“She’ll be perfectly safe there, they’ll look after her,” Remus said, he sounded almost indifferent, “Harry, I’m sure James would have wanted me to stick with you.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“No, I wouldn’t!” James exclaimed angrily, and Lily grabbed his hand for some semblance of comfort, “How can Remus say that or even think that?” he asked hotly, “He should know I would rather he’d be with HIS child than mine!”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“He knows sweetie,” Lily said gently, “He’s not in a stable state of mind right now, that is very obvious, calm down.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Well, I’m not. I’m pretty sure my father would have wanted to know why you aren’t sticking with your own kid actually,” Harry said, angry and disappointed in the father figure he’d found in Remus. The werewolves face drained of colour.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Exactly, Harry!” James shouted, Dumbledore smiled weakly, and even Sirius would have been amused under any other circumstances.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You don’t understand,” Remus said stiffly.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Explain then,” Harry demanded.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I-I made a grave mistake in marrying Tonks. I did it against my better judgement, and I have regretted it very much ever since.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I knew it,” Sirius said quietly, he wasn’t sure whether he was sad for Remus or happy, “He still loves me.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Oh Sirius,” Lily said, standing up, making her way over to Sirius and sitting on his lap to hug him, “I knew he did, I told you he did.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>James smiled ruefully at his wife and his best friend. Sirius had had a great time for the first little while up in heaven Hogwarts but then he’d started to miss Remus, and it had been extremely hard for him.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I don’t know why he married her,” Sirius sighed, and Lily nodded, hugging Sirius tighter, “No, neither do I.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I see. So you’re just going to dump her and the kid and run off with us?” Harry asked, glaring at the older man.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Remus jumped up, knocking his chair back, “Don’t you understand what I’ve done to my wife and my unborn child? I should never have married her, I made her an outcast!” </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Remus kicked the chair in a rare fit of rage, “You have only ever seen me amongst the Order or under Dumbledore’s protection at Hogwarts! You don’t know how most of the wizarding world sees creatures like me! When they know of my affliction, they can barely talk to me! Don’t you see what I’ve done? Even her own family is disgusted by our marriage, what parents want their only daughter to marry a werewolf? And the child – the child, my kind don’t usually breed! I’m convinced of it- how can I forgive myself, when I knowingly risked passing on my own condition to an innocent child? And if, by some miracle, it is not like me, then it will be better off, a hundred times so, without a father of whom it must always be ashamed!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“He should have thought of all of this before he married her!” Lily exclaimed in a fit of rage.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“He’s being such an asshole,” Marlene agreed, and James nodded fervently, “God Remus, stop being such an asshole!”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“He was never like this when you were alive,” Dumbledore said to Sirius, “He was never cold, in fact, he was at his happiest.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Sirius managed to smile at that fact, he was glad to know he’d made Remus happier than anyone else ever had, but he wished that Remus had never married Tonks, all it had brought him was misery.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Remus! Don’t say that! How can any child be ashamed of you?” A tearful Hermione asked.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Oh, I don’t know Hermione,” Harry said angrily and bitterly.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I’d be pretty ashamed of him,” he stood and pulled himself up to full height, surprising Remus.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“If the new regime thinks Muggle-borns are bad, what will they do to a half-werewolf whose father is in the Order? My father died trying to protect my mother and me, and you reckon he’d tell you to abandon your kid to go on an adventure with us?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Go, Harry!” James cheered, “You tell asshole Remus!”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“He’s just moody cause he misses all the hot sex with Sirius!” Matthew jeered, and Sirius barked out a loud laugh, he hadn’t done that in a while.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“You tell him, Harry!” Lily said, whooping for her son, the others laughed at the usually conservative woman’s behaviour.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“How-How dare you?” Remus hissed angrily, “This is not about a desire for-danger or personal glory-how dare you suggest a-”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I think you’re feeling a bit of a daredevil,” Harry said coldly, “You fancy stepping into Sirius’ shoes-”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Oh dear!” Lily narrated, “Bringing up Sirius probably isn’t a great idea.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Harry is right though,” James said, “He does want to step into Sirius’s shoes, he wants an adventure with no consequences.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“He lost the right to that when he married Tonks and started a family,” Dumbledore said wisely. Moody grunted his agreement as he won for the eighth time that night, everyone was watching the scene in the window, and as a result, they weren’t spending enough time looking at the game, so Moody kept reading the cards.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Harry, no!” Hermione called.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I’d never have believed this. The man who taught me to fight dementors-a coward!”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Remus actually drew his wand on Harry and threw Harry backwards across the room, the boy slammed into the wall and slid to the floor, and Remus stormed from the room.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I can’t believe that man was Remus Lupin,” Lily said after a moment of silence, Marlene and Matthew echoed this thought with nods, but Sirius and James shared a meaningful glance.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I can,” Sirius said, “Bear in mind I saw much more of Remus than you Lily although you were friends. You would not believe it, but Remus has a foul temper and a terrible habit of turning into ice when he’s angry.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Trust me, it’s true,” James said, “It’s rare that it comes out, but when it does,” he whistled, and Sirius nodded, remembering the odd occasions when Remus had gotten angry or cold. Angry he had been able to deal with, it had been fixed with hot sex, but cold chilled him to the bone and showed him a man he barely recognised.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><hr/><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>The months passed by slowly, the war raged on below, and poker nights had changed. There was less poker and more watching ‘channel Harry’ as he progressed with Horcruxes and the like. Sirius only watched Remus on odd occasions when he was alone in his room and felt lonely, sooner than it should have May arrived, and they were all gathered in a small space to watch the epic final battle, the battle of Hogwarts, it was tense as they watched the ‘windows’. There were 2, one showing Harry and one showing Remus; they didn’t intersect much, the entire group's eyes flashed between both windows. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>On the other side of the room, Dumbledore watched the 3rd window, he was watching none other than Severus Snape, and Lily occasionally glanced over at this window.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Things seemed to go well, but then the inevitable happened. The deaths began, and the first person of the three on their screens to get hit was Remus. They watched in silent horror as he was hit with the killing curse and fell to the ground, cold and dead. They hadn’t expected it; they had expected him to survive through the war. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Sirius was in shock; he didn’t know whether to be sad that Remus was going to miss his child growing up or happy that he would get to be with the only man he’d ever loved once more. He was just stunned, and his initial thought was to run to the office and wait for Remus, but he knew that would be stupid because processing alone took at least an hour then there was about a 5-hour settling in period so he knew he’d just be sitting around. At least here he would know how Harry was so he stayed and watched as Harry found Remus’s body, the screen which they’d watched Remus on was blank because Remus as a person was no more, only his soul remained. Harry left the great hall then and made his way to the shrieking shack; it was then that his and Severus’s lives coincided just as Severus died. Everyone ended up watching the exchange as they realised Severus wasn’t actually the bad guy, he WAS a bad guy, but he wasn’t THE bad guy.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Harry made his way to Dumbledore’s office and went into the pensieve, as they saw what he saw they saw the memories, Lily watched with a fond look in her eyes and Dumbledore with a smile. Sirius and James gaped as the scenes unfolded, Regulus found it just as hard to believe.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Once Harry realised he had to die Lily broke down into tears and James had to soothe her, “Lily, it's okay, if he does die at least he’ll be with us again, he’d be happy here.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I know,” Lily sobbed, “But he’s still so young.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“He knows he must die,” Dumbledore said wisely, “Therefore he should not die, he should wake up, the part of Voldemorts soul inside him should die, not Harry himself.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Lily and James were still worried sick as Harry made his way into the forest, he was hit with the killing curse, and the screen went black, everyone in the room was crying, even Sirius and Dumbledore’s eyes were glassy. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>They were sure it was over, but then the screen buzzed back to life, and the forest came back into view. They watched in amazement as it all unfolded, the final battle in the great hall took place, the air was tense in ‘heaven’, Lily was in the middle of James and Sirius, holding one of their hands in each of her hands, squeezing them tightly. James would have joked about the last time this happened being when Harry was born if he wasn’t so worried about his son’s welfare.’</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>When Harry won, and Voldemort fell everyone cheered, even Sirius because Harry was okay and Voldemort was dead, but then he excused himself, and he ran. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>He ran through ‘Hogwarts’ then down through the ‘grounds’ on fluffy clouds. He ran to the large golden gates. He burst through the door into the accounting office and hurried to the desk where several wizards were bustling around, “Can I help you, Sir?”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I need to know about somebody, Remus Lupin, what can you tell me?”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>The guard sighed, looking at a checklist with far too many names on it, “He’s still in transition, sir.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“How long will it take until I can see him?” Sirius asked, extremely agitated.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“At least 3 hours sir, it’s a busy night,” The guard said politely.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“3 hours!” Sirius shouted, “I NEED to see him now! I cannot wait 3 hours!”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Sir, I am afraid there is no other option, if you’d please just take a seat,” The guard tried to reason with Sirius, “NO! I WILL NOT TAKE A SEAT I NEED TO SEE REMUS!”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>At that point, James and Lily burst through the door just as Sirius fell in a crying heap to the floor. Lily dropped to her knees next to him and hugged him tightly, from the other side, James did the same as Sirius’s body shook with sobs. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>It had finally become too much for him, and nobody bothered the trio as they sat there on the floor like that. Eventually, they managed to move Sirius to a seat and stop his tears and sobs, after that Sirius just sat there silently, his hand clenched tightly in Lily’s. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Several people passed through the waiting room, including Colin Creevey and Fred Weasley. Sirius didn’t say a word until 4 hours later when the door swung open. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Remus Lupin walked in, looking younger and fresher than ever, his face was free of scars and stubble, and his eyes widened when he saw Sirius waiting for him with a tearstained face, the sight of Lily and James next to him only heightened his shock.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Sirius ran to Remus and grabbed him with such force that he was nearly knocked off his feet, before he knew what had hit him, Remus was being kissed by Sirius and had no intentions to stop this from happening. He kissed Sirius back with just as much passion and enthusiasm as he always had, deepening the kiss and wrapping his arms around Sirius’s waist.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>When both men pulled away from each other, their faces were stained with tears.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>It was then that Sirius punched Remus.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“What was that for?!” Remus asked in shock.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“For marrying someone! For having a kid! For moving on!” Sirius shouted, punctuating each sentence with a punch to Remus’s arm.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I didn’t move on! I never stopped loving you! Tonks knew that. She knew she was second best, Sirius, I never stopped loving you,” Remus sighed, kissing Sirius once more and this time not stopping for air until he absolutely couldn’t breathe. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>From their seats nearby James and Lily shared large grins, it felt like the world had put itself right again.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Nobody heard the door open...</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Wow! Okay, so definitely still in love with Sirius.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Remus and Sirius broke apart, and Remus blushed bright red, “Tonks! No...But Teddy...he...”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m sorry,” Tonks said, hugging Remus.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Teddy will be okay,” Tonks said, albeit sadly, “He has my Mother and Harry, and he’ll grow up knowing we died for a good cause, to make the world a better place for him to live in.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Remus nodded, sighing deeply, “So what happens now?” he asked, looking between Tonks and Sirius, his wife and the man he’d loved for almost all of his life.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Now you finally get your happily ever after,” Tonks said, her smile didn’t seem forced, she’d always known she was second best and she’d always known this day might come if there really was a higher plane, and now this was proof that there was.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“But Tonks, you’re my wife,” Remus said, not quite understanding.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Tonks smiled a little sadly, “Yes but you never really loved me, not like you loved Sirius. You always regretted marrying me.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Remus didn’t deny this because he knew it was true, he merely said he was sorry and kissed Sirius one last time before he was led away for the week-long induction/settling in period.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><hr/><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>When Remus emerged from the room, he’d spent the last week in he grinned when he saw Sirius pacing outside in the waiting room bouncing on the balls of his feet.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>He grinned broadly when he saw Remus, bounding over to him and kissing him the same way he had when he had first walked out into the waiting room the week before.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“I have a surprise for you,” Sirius said with a grin, grabbing Remus by the hand and dragging him out of the building into the fluffy grounds, Remus laughed as he ran to keep up with Sirius. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Later that night they found themselves in a replica of the flat they’d spent so many nights in and to perfect the moment the windows were open, there was no breeze, but the sun was setting. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>The air was humid; it was the beginning of a hot Indian summer down below and up above Remus and Sirius lay together, chests heaving, sweat sparkling on their bodies as they cherished a moment they never thought that they would have again. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>The sheets were different, they were made of silk, but they were still on the floor along with both of the men’s clothes, but the bed was the same old creaky thing, the same comfy bed, the room was small and dingy, but it was perfect. Sirius missed the traffic and the owls hooting and the sound of the Thames flowing, but he could live without the simple things now that he had the most important thing in his arms - Remus.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>The mousy haired Marauder sighed with contentment, “Sirius, do you believe in something after death?” he asked, grinning up at the man.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Sirius smiled thoughtfully, “Yes Remus, I believe in a perfect paradise after death,” he said, leaning down to kiss Remus gently on the lips.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Remus smiled fondly at Sirius, “Do you know what Sirius, I believe in exactly the same thing.”</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Their laughter floated out of the window and was lost in the hot night air, floating away into the distance. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>From that day forward every single hot Indian summer was spent in bed with the sheets thrown carelessly on the floor and the smell of sweat mingling with the laughter of two men who had finally found their place in time.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>THE END.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Fatherly Advice</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Harry asks Sirius and Remus how you know when you're in love and the answer is unexpected.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Sirius, how do you know when you’re in love?”</p><p> </p><p>Sirius looked up abruptly, “Who are you in love with?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know,” Harry frowned, “There’s this girl called Cho…and I like her, but I don’t know if I love her.”</p><p> </p><p>Sirius floundered for a moment then saw Remus hovering by the Christmas tree. He waved the werewolf over and said, “Sorry, Harry, but I think this one might be more Remus’s area of expertise.”</p><p> </p><p>Harry nodded glumly, “Remus, how do you know when you’re in love?”</p><p> </p><p>“When all the songs make sense,” Remus replied instantly.</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Sirius and Harry echoed.</p><p> </p><p>“The love songs,” Remus said, “You listen to them, and they make sense, that’s how I knew anyway.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t listen to love songs,” Harry said, shoving his food around on his plate.</p><p> </p><p>Remus sat down next to Sirius, “What’s going on, Harry?”</p><p> </p><p>“He thinks he’s in love with a girl called Cho,” Sirius said rather unhelpfully.</p><p> </p><p>“Cho Chang?” Remus asked, “She’s older than you, isn’t she?”</p><p> </p><p>Harry nodded, “She dated Cedric then he died, and now I like her, but it’s confusing because she’s sad about Cedric and she feels guilty because I was with him when he died. And I feel guilty too because I think his death was my fault-”</p><p> </p><p>“His death wasn’t your fault,” Sirius said firmly, reaching over and gripping Harry’s hand, “And if it’s so complicated that you don’t know what it is, then I definitely don’t think it’s love. You know when you’re in love, I can’t explain how you do, but you just know.”</p><p> </p><p>“Have you been in love before?” Harry asked, looking up at them.</p><p> </p><p>“Once,” Sirius said, smiling slightly over at Remus when Harry looked away, “Because once you fall in love, everything before that seems insignificant. For example, when I was young and straight, I left a trail of broken hearts like a rockstar. I’m not proud of it.”</p><p> </p><p>Remus gave him a knowing look, “You’re kind of proud of it; you work it into a lot of conversations.”</p><p> </p><p>Harry laughed weakly then realisation dawned on his face, “Wait…did you say <em>when </em>you were straight? Sirius are you…you and Remus?!”</p><p> </p><p>Remus shot Sirius an amused look, “Took him long enough, didn’t it?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, it did take his father about a year to work out too,” Sirius said matter of factly, “Potters are known to be a bit slow on the uptake.”</p><p> </p><p>Harry stared at them with wide eyes and his mouth wide open.</p><p> </p><p>“In fact, I think James had that same reaction,” Sirius grinned.</p><p> </p><p>Remus shook his head, “No, James fainted.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>THUMP.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>“Huh, what do you know? He <em>is</em> a lot like his Father.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>THE END! </strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Based on this tumblr post by ‘incorrectmarauderquotes’:<br/>Sirius: When I was young and straight, I left a trail of broken hearts like a rockstar. I’m not proud of it.<br/>Remus: You’re kind of proud of it. You work it into a lot of conversations.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Teenage Heart Breaker</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which Sirius confides in James about the reason behind his recent break-up...</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Oh man, this is great. You’re moping. I can’t believe the great teenage heart breaker is moping!”</p><p> </p><p>Sirius glared at his best friend. He abandoned his coffee which he had just been stirring for no reason, he wasn’t very thirsty, “Did you bring me all the way down to Hogsmeade just to gloat?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not gloating,” James said with an amused smile, “It’s just good to see that some people can give you intense enough feelings to warrant heartbreak. Maybe you can be saved, after all, Lils and I can find you a nice little wife, and you can have lots of tearaways!”</p><p> </p><p>“You think you’re being funny, don’t you?” Sirius asked irritably, “Well, I bet someday Lily will crush your stupid little heart too!”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” James mused, “See, I don’t see that happening because I’ve taken special precautions to prevent that very thing from happening. For instance, I don’t sleep with other women.”</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t sleep with another woman!” Sirius snapped.</p><p> </p><p>“So Marlene just made that fact up out of thin air then?” James asked with a raised eyebrow, “I hate to say it Pads, but you do have a bit of a reputation for it.”</p><p> </p><p>“And so did you, before Lily tied you down,” Sirius argued.</p><p> </p><p>“I flirted with a lot of women,” James agreed, “But I never went <em>that </em>far before I was with Lily.”</p><p> </p><p>Sirius sighed and threw his spoon down, “Look, this is why I wanted to talk to you alone. Marlene did lie; she lied because I told her to.”</p><p> </p><p>James frowned, “You told her to break up with you and say you’d slept with another woman when you didn’t?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes,” Sirius said slowly.</p><p> </p><p>“Sirius, that makes no sense,” James pointed out, “Why would you do that?”</p><p> </p><p>“To cover up the real reason she broke up with me,” Sirius said, biting his lip hard and looking up at his best friend, “She did catch me cheating on her, but it wasn’t with a woman.”</p><p> </p><p>James’s eyes widened, “A guy?”</p><p> </p><p>Sirius nodded, terrified of how James was going to react.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait…when?” James asked.</p><p> </p><p>Sirius frowned, that wasn’t the first question he had been expecting, “It was after that stupid Halloween party when we were all…uh…really drunk.”</p><p> </p><p>James’s eyes widened as realisation dawned on his face, “The Halloween after-party that you and Remus were both mysteriously missing from? Oh, sweet Merlin! Sirius! Did you and Remus…”</p><p> </p><p>Sirius nodded and buried his head in his arms.</p><p> </p><p>“Seriously?” James asked loudly.</p><p> </p><p>“Seriously,” Sirius said irritably, “Now keep your bloody voice down, you moron.”</p><p> </p><p>James stared at Sirius in disbelief, with the hint of an amused smile, “You and Remus….now Remus, I always thought he was gay, but he got defensive when anyone mentioned it. But you Sirius…”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think I’m gay,” Sirius muttered, “It’s not men…it’s just Remus.”</p><p> </p><p>James grinned, “That almost sounded romantic.”</p><p> </p><p>“James don’t,” Sirius groaned, “I’m having a crisis here, okay? I didn’t just sleep with Remus because I was drunk and because Marls and me had been fighting. I have all of these feelings…and they aren’t just friendly feelings if you catch my drift.”</p><p> </p><p>“Uh-huh,” James said, wiggling his eyebrows.</p><p> </p><p>“James, I’m serious. I need your advice,” Sirius said, almost desperately.</p><p> </p><p>James nodded, “Right, well, my advice is to do what makes you happy. There’s a war coming, and I don’t know if any of us will survive it so if these are our final few years, then we should do what makes us happy in them. I’m gonna marry Lily and try and convince her to spawn a mini-me. If Remus makes you happy, be with him. Do you think any of us are going to care? I mean double dates would be really easy…”</p><p> </p><p>Sirius smiled fondly at James, “Thanks, James.”</p><p> </p><p>James smirked, “If the serious advice part is over can I go back to making jokes? I have so many innuendo’s that work for this…is he an animal in the bedroom? Did you make him howl?”</p><p> </p><p>Sirius let his head fall onto the table with a loud thump, “And I instantly regret confiding in you.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>THE END </strong>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Based on this tumblr post by ‘incorrectmarauderquotes’:  <br/>Sirius: Hey mate, you think you're funny? Well someday Lily's gonna crush your stupid little heart, too!<br/>James: Yeah...see, I don't think so because I've taken special precautions to prevent that very thing from happening. For instance, I don't sleep with other women.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Objects in the Rearview Mirror</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sirius reflects on his life during his time in Azkaban, more specifically on his regrets.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Heavily based on the Meatloaf song of the same name :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>One thing you definitely get enough of in Azkaban is time; time to think, time to grieve, time to regret every damn choice that you ever made. You couldn’t think all of the time though, just when the dementors were far enough away for you to get a little clarity, or in my case, when I could transform into my animagus form and get some precious moments of peace and silence.</p><p> </p><p>When the dementors were near, I heard voices and screams inside my head. When they tried to mess with me, I flashed back to the most horrific moments in my life because dementors liked doing that.</p><p> </p><p>But when I could steal those moments as a dog, I could focus on the good memories; on the calm before the storm. I could see a blue sky, the sun shining down on a lake as I sat outside and drank lemonade. I could see James laughing as he shoved me into the lake, a glass of lemonade and all. I could almost crack a smile as I remembered those endless summers where we dreamed of adventure. When we thought we had all of the time left in the world to dream and make those dreams a reality.</p><p> </p><p>But then a dementor would come closer to check on me, and I would have to transform back into my human form, and that blissful memory would be corrupted. I would shut my eyes tightly as a green light flashed before them, and I saw James lying in the hall with wide, unseeing eyes.</p><p> </p><p>I tried to block them out, but every time I failed, the tears came every time. It felt so raw, even after however many years I had already wasted away in this place. I mean, god, I had no sense of time. How was Harry now? Was he alive? What age was he? I had no idea about any of it, even an old copy of the Daily Prophet was highly coveted and near enough impossible to get a hold of in Azkaban.</p><p> </p><p>Every time those raw memories were shoved into the forefront of my mind, I had the same lurch, the same feeling of my stomach turning as I tried not to throw up the gruel they had fed me that day. The words that had been spoken to me by a rogue Death Eater after I had been convicted echoed in my head, “He crashed and burned just like he deserved to!”</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t crash and burn; he and Lily died for their son; they died to create a better world for him. And from the amount of Death Eaters that I had seen through these doors since then, I believed they had achieved that. Still, I don’t think I will ever understand why any boy should die so young, and I don’t believe that anyone deserves that.</p><p> </p><p>When the Dementors weren’t invading my thoughts, I could remember the happier times. I could close my eyes and see us racing around the grounds of his parent's manor on whatever broom was the latest trend. I could see us fighting together when we joined the Aurors. It had all been such an adventure at first, we hadn’t cared about the fact that there was a war on. We had just cared about the adrenaline rush when we stood, fighting back to back, fending off six Death Eaters between the two of us.</p><p> </p><p>I could smile as I remembered how we would jump on my bike to evade the Muggle police, Godric, how we had never had to obliviate a Muggle police officer I don’t know. We had gotten in trouble, but we had fun doing it. He had been my partner in crime and in a flash of green light, he was gone, and they thought I had done it. The whole world thought I was in this place for killing my best friend when the real murderer walked free; it made me bitter and cold. It filled me with anger and a need for vengeance.</p><p> </p><p>Sometimes in the dead of night, when the Dementors were close, and there was a storm raging outside, I would look up and through the rain pouring into the cell, I was sure I could see him rising from the ground. I would blink hard and open my eyes, and he was gone because he had probably been a figment of my imagination all along.</p><p> </p><p>And it was never just about James either, although that was the thing the Dementors plucked out so often because I was serving time for his death, even though I knew I was innocent of that crime. But the Dementors liked to torment the prisoners and to do that the soul magic that maintained their half-life enabled them to use a sort of legilimency. It wasn’t like they could read our minds, they could just sense our weaknesses, and the sort of depressing magic they emanated made us think about those things.</p><p> </p><p>So there were times that I found myself back in my old family home, Grimmauld Place, being tormented by my father. I would wake from a nightmare, which was more like a memory, where I had been a young boy, shaking with fear as I heard my father cursing everyone he knew and storming through the house, hitting against every wall because he was blind drunk.</p><p> </p><p>I could still feel the pain of every blow he inflicted as if it had only happened yesterday, I could still feel the burn of the cruciatus curse that he had used on me for looking at him the wrong way when he was drunk one night.</p><p> </p><p>He had been an angry man with no real sense of purpose other than to serve the Dark Lord because he was a ‘true’ Slytherin, just like the rest of our family. I remember the summers I had to spend at home before James’s family took me in. Those summers felt like endless winters, even in such a big house, there was nowhere to hide, and it felt like there was no hope of the nightmare coming to an end anytime soon.</p><p> </p><p>I had always believed, and that still held true, that he would never have let me leave. He wanted me to join the ranks of Voldemort like my idiotic brother had done like he had been killed for doing. So I had to run away alone, but I was never alone really because I always had James. The thought of James made my chest pang with hurt and guilt, so I shut my eyes tightly. I should have been used to this by now because the dementors put me through it so often, but it never got any better.</p><p> </p><p>I couldn’t stop thinking about all of those wasted years that my family put me through before my life finally became my own, thanks to James and the kindness of his parents. The nightmare should have been over when I left, but the terrors were still intact. If they weren’t, then the dementors wouldn’t be able to use the memories against me so effectively. Long after his death, my father was still tormenting me from beyond the grave. When the dementors got close, the voices I heard were my Mothers shrieking about half-bloods and blood traitors, and my father’s ugly, coarse, violent voice telling me that I would never be good enough for his family.</p><p> </p><p>Sometimes I would feel a sharp pain like someone grabbed me, and I would see his face flash before my eyes. I would open them, panting in fear and find a Dementor feeding off of that fear. Godric, no wonder they loved this place, it must have been like a fucking feast for them.</p><p> </p><p>The only other thing that those godforsaken beasts could use against me was Remus. Thinking about him hurt too, but not in the same way that thinking about James did.</p><p> </p><p>Thinking about Remus hurt, but not because he was dead, at least to the best of my knowledge that was, not knowing just made it worse. But he hadn’t written or visited, and that had to be because he believed that I had killed our best friend, just like the rest of the wizarding world did.</p><p> </p><p>But it hurt beyond belief that Remus believed that. Because Remus wasn’t just my other best friend, he wasn’t a back-up James or just another Marauder, and he had never been.</p><p> </p><p>Remus was Moony, my big loveable werewolf, and he had taught me everything I’ll ever know about the mystery and the muscle of love. When I could steal those moments of clarity, I could close my eyes and see the stars glimmering and the moon glowing as we lay in the forbidden forest during the spring of our final year at Hogwarts. I could see that rueful smile of his, lighting up every room that he walked into, I could hear that low gravelly laugh, and sometimes for just a few moments, I could forget where I was and pretend that I was back in our bed, in the apartment we had shared after we left school.</p><p> </p><p>When the dementors were off tormenting a new prisoner, feeding on his or her misery and exploiting their worst fears, I got hours of clarity and those moments were like a dream amidst all of the madness and pain.</p><p> </p><p>During those hours, I would shut my eyes and imagine I was riding my motorbike down country lanes, taking off whenever I felt like. Sometimes Remus was riding with me in those fantasies, and sometimes I was alone. But even in those moments of clarity and peace, I could see shadows rising behind me; shadows in the shape of James or my Father, or Remus.</p><p> </p><p>And with all of the thinking I had done about soul magic, thanks to spending so much time with Dementors, I couldn’t help but think that if life was just a highway and the soul was just a bike, that objects in the rearview mirror might appear closer than they are.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>THE END!</strong>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
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